“ENOUGHNESS”—HOW WE DEFINE SUCCESS, HAPPINESS, & SELF-WORTH 🇬🇧

Striving for better dressage scores, better jump results. Whatever you do with your horse, it pushes progress and drives us to grow as a rider.

Our brains are hard-wired to think ‘MORE is better.’ Without it we would never have gotten on a horse’s back!

Ambition is a wonderful thing, it makes us human. It fuels higher, faster, and stronger.

Searching for ‘MORE’ is not necessarily a bad thing, but it loses its sparkle when we become obsessed with it. MORE becomes a problem when it becomes a beacon of success. It drowns out the joy, and if we allow ourselves to slip into ever-chasing MORE, it can leave us feeling empty, no-matter how much we achieve with our horses. Because we have lost sight of when ENOUGH is ENOUGH.

SO WHY IS IT THAT WE ARE HARD-WIRED TO CHASE ‘MORE?’

The science part of this is that it involves the good old ‘dopamine hit.’ Dopamine, often referred to as the ‘feel-good chemical,’ but a more correct description would be that it is the ‘motivator chemical.’ It drives us to do MORE, push ourselves and take risks.

When we achieve something in our riding such as personal best dressage score, cross-country round or your first canter, dopamine surges. That surge eventually fades and we go looking for MORE—to find our next fix. It is why many famous athletes, who have achieved so many remarkable things, describe a sense of ‘emptiness,’ this is because they realise there is always MORE to chase! They also struggle in retirement. It is because that ‘MORE’ is no longer part of them pursuing that chase.

Ambition does have a dark side though; it can consume us, if left unchecked, and can transform a healthy drive for success into something toxic.

Research shows that we are more likely to take shortcuts in sport if we have an unquenchable passion. Our ethics are the first thing we throw away, where some individuals will cut corners and do something wrong. The results may be such things as Rollkur, blue tongue, tight nosebands, aggressive use of the whip, overuse of spur—and for what? Greed? A fancy title? Or the biggest of all—status within our sport?

In a world, where everyone’s life is on display 24/7, it is easy to compare ourselves to others. When we fall into the ‘comparison trap,’ we land into a honey pot for when ENOUGH is never ENOUGH. There is always someone riding better than you, winning MORE rosettes, jumping higher than you. Why? Because there is always MORE to chase.

CAN YOU IDENTIFY WHEN THINGS ARE ENOUGH?

“ENOUGHness” describes our experience of a situation as being perfectly fine in that given moment, in the absence of something bigger, better, or more. It is validated by our sense of self-worth, not external factors.

ENOUGHness is what it is, not for what it is not, nor for what it could be. It undermines the chase for limitless and meaningless WANT FOR MORE. Mentally it is hugely desirable, as it diminishes the ‘never good ENOUGH’ mindset. (Hamilton and Denniss 2005)

Being ENOUGH, brings with it a quiet, unspoiled confidence. It simplifies life. We have less ‘tabs open,’ and find balance. It opposes the ‘scarcity mindset’ and questions/undermines ‘MORE is better!’

WHAT ARE THE THINGS THAT REALLY MATTER TO YOU & YOUR HORSES?

ENOUGHness is not about throwing ambition in the proverbial bin! It is not about saying ‘I’m done,’ it is about ‘I’m here and all is well.’ As always, it is about finding balance between chasing MORE and acknowledging that things ‘are as they are,’ and that is okay.

ENOUGHness complements ambition. It is the pause button that allows us to enjoy the ride…literally. It is a reminder that even though you can chase your dreams, you are good where you are—here and now.

We are seeing this played out many times in the Winter Olympics—where athletes have not won an Olympic medal, but rather they appreciated the honour that they were one of so few even in the Olympics.

The bravest thing anyone can do is realise they have ENOUGH. It requires saying no to MORE; shutting out the voices that say, ‘you are not doing ENOUGH, not achieving ENOUGH, not being ENOUGH.’ I see and hear this all the time in the riding arena—the internal tussle riders have with themselves and their horses. This is where the effects of ENOUGHness kicks in. There is a shift. A weight lifts. The ‘noise in our heads’ quiets. We become free to explore joy. We stop ‘The Comparing.’ Most of all—we start to live life on our terms. We just need to see what we already do have—then work out what our essentials are.

SO, I ASK YOU: Do you know what your essentials are when it comes to your riding and your horses?

The psychology of ENOUGHness is not about settling with ‘that will do,’ it is MORE about choosing. Choosing that you do not need ‘MORE’ to be successful and happy.

So, here’s to ‘ENOUGHness’: The ability to find the QUIET & UNGLAMOROUS JOY that we can have with our horses🥂